An Update

Skipping the usual Five on Friday today to share an update on Dad. I’m on the first flight out this morning to Orlando to get back as soon as I possibly could to spend more time with him — this time alone.

We drove the kids down to see my dad last weekend. We’ve had a lot of hard visits but this one was arguably the hardest. So hard in fact that it’s taken me a few days to digest it and provide an update here because if I’m being completely honest, I really just want to pretend my dad is not dying and continue sharing cute outfits, happy spaces in our home and smiling faces. But behind all that we’re being assaulted with grief as we slowly watch Dad prepare to enter Heaven.

Many of you have checked in and asked how you can pray for us. Thank you. Although dad is on tons of pain medications he is in constant excruciating pain. His quality of life has plummeted and we are no longer praying for more days with him. Instead, we tell him we love him — constantly, not knowing if it will be the last time we hear him say it back. We tell him we will all be OK even though we will miss him fiercely. We tell him how much we’ve learned from him and all of the memories we will cling to forever.

So our prayer request is for pain management for the rest of his days. And please say an extra prayer for mom too.

I hope to be back to my normal happy posting next week. After all, this space is a therapeutic outlet for me to escape the exhausting sadness for just a second and focus on the good — because there is still so much good in my life even if we’re in the middle of a very dark journey.

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64 Comments

  1. January 25, 2019 / 5:18 am

    When I first read of your Dad’s illness my Dad was in great shape and I hoped for 10-20 more years with him. But, on Nov 6 he entered the hospital and passed away Dec 18. I felt like I started grieving him before he was gone and that felt wrong. It’s such a tough place to be in. I pray for peace and comfort. It is horrible to watch someone in pain. It made me appreciate te strength of my mom and siblings and I know yours will be your rock.
    Amy

  2. Jo
    January 25, 2019 / 5:42 am

    He must know how loved he is. Thinking of you all ❤️

  3. Margaret
    January 25, 2019 / 6:26 am

    Sending prays and hugs to all!

  4. January 25, 2019 / 7:05 am

    I love seeing your happy posts as well as the sad, because it reminds me to say a prayer for your family!! I’m so sorry you all are going through this. I hope you have a special weekend with him over the next few days.

  5. Peyton
    January 25, 2019 / 7:15 am

    My prayers are with you and your family. I hope God brings the peace only He can bring to all of you.

  6. Toni :0)
    January 25, 2019 / 7:41 am

    I’m very sorry you’re on this difficult journey. My Daddio is everything as I’m sure yours is too so this must be excruciating to watch. I’m sending you lots of virtually hugs (( )) (( )) (( )) for strength and many prayers to bring you peace and comfort. Hang in there and I’m glad you’ll have this time with him. xoxo🙏🏻💜

  7. Aileen
    January 25, 2019 / 7:43 am

    Thinking of you all as always. I don’t check in but whenever I see a post of yours, I always wonder how your dad is. Will send prayers for whatever you want and don’t worry about posting the happy stuff. This blog is for you to share whatever you want so if you want to share about your dad and the grief you are going through that is completely your right. Sending love and prayers to you all xx

  8. Amanda
    January 25, 2019 / 8:10 am

    Praying for you sweet friend! May God ease your dad’s pain and wrap His loving arms around you to comfort and protect you.

  9. Natalie
    January 25, 2019 / 8:10 am

    Many prayers and hugs to you and your family. I have been through this same journey. I was and am still so grateful to have had more time with our dad after his diagnosis. Take care.

  10. January 25, 2019 / 8:49 am

    It’s made me so happy to see how much more time you got with him than expected, but I know it’s never enough and I teared up for you reading this. Happy to pray for you all.

  11. MagMom
    January 25, 2019 / 8:50 am

    Today is my dad’s birthday – what I wouldn’t give to be able to say happy birthday to him one more time. I am sending you and your family lots of prayers for strength and peace, I know all too well how hard this journey is on all of you. Enjoy that time telling him you love him and enjoy knowing how fiercely he loves you back. I’ll ask my dad to have a cold one waiting for him…….when it’s time.

  12. Sara
    January 25, 2019 / 8:52 am

    I’m so sorry. Thinking and praying for you and your family.

  13. Deanna Lucas
    January 25, 2019 / 9:09 am

    Praying for your family and your father’s comfort. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in June 2014, did chemo, etc and passed on Memorial Day 2015. It was horrible to watch her in so much pain, and we, too, wanted her to be free of the pain. We told her how much we loved her and how blessed we were to have such a wonderful mother of 5 children. I told her much I would miss her, her advice raising my daughter, sharing my daughter’s accomplishments and so much more. It’s excruciating even to this day, but I do find peace and comfort knowing that I was able to tell her all of those things before she left us. May God bless you and keep you on this journey. Much love.

  14. Tami from SD
    January 25, 2019 / 9:14 am

    I’m so sorry that you and your family have to go through this. It’s so hard to watch your beloved father suffer this way. I will say prayers for the healing power of heaven for him. (It’s hard for me to even type that, knowing how much your family wants him here.) And prayers for peace and comfort for the rest of you. I’m so glad you have made a point to spend so much time with him these past few years, you will never regret that!!

  15. Mandy Spangler
    January 25, 2019 / 9:18 am

    Thinking of, and praying for each of you ❤️

  16. January 25, 2019 / 9:43 am

    Praying so hard for you and your family. Prayers for peace and comfort.

  17. AnnMarie
    January 25, 2019 / 9:52 am

    Sending love, peace and prayers from Chicago.

  18. January 25, 2019 / 10:06 am

    All of the prayers for you, for your dad, for your mom, and for your entire family as you face this incredibly difficult time. Hugs.

  19. Sara
    January 25, 2019 / 10:10 am

    Sending prayers for comfort and peace to your Dad. And lots of prayers for your whole family to be surrounded with love and support.

    “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

  20. aegreen2014
    January 25, 2019 / 10:54 am

    So. many. tears. There will be a day when there is no more suffering and you all can rest in the fact that he knows Jesus. Hugs.

  21. Donna
    January 25, 2019 / 10:58 am

    Ditto to every comment here and sending many prayers for your father, you and your entire family. God bless all of you and wrap you in strength and comfort during this extremely difficult time. Sending love and hugs from California!

  22. Morgan
    January 25, 2019 / 11:05 am

    So, so, sorry. Prayers and strength being sent your way.

  23. Brandi
    January 25, 2019 / 11:11 am

    Thinking of you and your family. The last weeks/days are the hardest (I just went through this in August/September). Praying for all of you.

  24. Marisa
    January 25, 2019 / 11:33 am

    Sent up a prayer last week when I saw your instagram picture. I’m sorry to hear that you are in this place. I pray for peace for you, your siblings, your mother and father.

  25. Sarah
    January 25, 2019 / 11:38 am

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Sending up constant prayers for peace for you and your family!

  26. Danielle
    January 25, 2019 / 11:39 am

    Oh this squeezes my heart. May you enjoy every minute you guys have left, and may he feel comforted by your love and presence.

  27. Susan
    January 25, 2019 / 11:41 am

    Sometimes there just aren’t sufficient words. My heart breaks reading this. Know that you and all your family are in our prayers.

  28. January 25, 2019 / 11:50 am

    This breaks my heart, we just started a difficult journey with my moms cancer 2 months ago and I have often thought of the journey you’ve shared as I’ve followed along through the blog. I will be praying for your dad, and for peace and joy for you, your mom and the rest of your family.

  29. January 25, 2019 / 12:43 pm

    So sorry to hear this. Enjoy the along time with your dad. Sending you many hugs and prayers.

  30. Jess Mathias
    January 25, 2019 / 12:49 pm

    I’m so sorry – love and prayers to you and your family

  31. January 25, 2019 / 12:54 pm

    Praying for you! It’s so bittersweet when we know that our loved one is leaving here to go to their final, eternal home in heaven! They are now part of the cloud of witnesses as spoken in Hebrews that cheer us on!! Jesus is your strength, He will give you and your family grace….

  32. Tara
    January 25, 2019 / 1:22 pm

    Sending thoughts and prayers to your dad, mom and your entire sweet family 💗💗

  33. January 25, 2019 / 1:42 pm

    Keeping your family in my thoughts.

  34. KATIE THOMAS
    January 25, 2019 / 1:56 pm

    I am so very sorry that your family is going through such a hard time. Your dad is a strong man!! I remember months and months ago when you all were just living day by day. Look at all of the amazing times you got to have with him since then. Taking him to the beach against hospice’s judgement. Going on walks with his whole family! Grilling his amazing steaks for everyone. So many awesome memories that even your children will remember. I pray for strength in all of you. I pray for his pain to subside. My heart truly aches for you all.

  35. Alicia
    January 25, 2019 / 2:10 pm

    So, so sorry. Praying for you all in Arkansas.

  36. Nikki Wadsworth
    January 25, 2019 / 2:44 pm

    And this is why so many like myself follow you. You don’t hide behind a filter and you share through your ”lifestyle blog” your actual life. You’ve been a constant in my life and to be a better version of myself. You’re a great influencer Christina! Praying for eveyrone!

  37. Victoria Gryniewski
    January 25, 2019 / 3:21 pm

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!

  38. Brooke
    January 25, 2019 / 4:16 pm

    Sending prayers.

  39. Ellie
    January 25, 2019 / 5:51 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Christina. We learned on Aug. 13 that my mother had 2-4 weeks to live and God saw fit to give us 3 glorious months with her. We crammed a lifetime into those 3 months and soaked up every last bit of her in order to sustain us until the Lord reunites us all. She went home to be with Jesus on Nov. 8 and I honestly could not have written a more beautiful ending to her story. We literally prayed her into Heaven. In fact, when we sat around her bed holding onto her, we asked the Holy Spirit to fill this place and at that moment, she took her last breath here and first one in the presence of God. It was excruciating and beautiful all at the same time. I’ll be praying for your daddy to be welcomed by the angels awaiting his arrival and for your tender heart throughout the process.

  40. Pauline Herlihy
    January 25, 2019 / 6:06 pm

    Praying for your dad, to feel more comfortable. He already knows how loved he is. Sending love and prayers for all of your family.

  41. Jennifer
    January 25, 2019 / 6:55 pm

    Christina, this is such a hard road to walk. We did this in 2017 with my father in law. Holy and heartbreaking and sacred and sad all at once. And something I will treasure all of my days. Thinking of you and your family. Prayers for all of you.

  42. January 25, 2019 / 6:55 pm

    I read this and my heart felt like it was being squeezed. I know how painful this is and I am lifting your family up. I pray his pain ends quickly and peace falls over every one of you.

  43. January 25, 2019 / 10:32 pm

    I’m so sorry. My heart breaks for you, your dad, and the rest of your family. Sending love and light. Xo

  44. Lorrie
    January 26, 2019 / 7:30 am

    I am so sorry! Praying for your family! Hugs!!

  45. Bobbie Buckley
    January 26, 2019 / 9:32 am

    Christina, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May God comfort you. I remember the last conversation I had with my mom and it still brings me comfort 20 years later. Take care of yourself. Hugs!

  46. edith
    January 26, 2019 / 9:52 am

    Hugs and prayers for you and your family

  47. Chelsey
    January 26, 2019 / 10:44 am

    Sending many prayers for your whole family!! <3

  48. Whitney Jordan
    January 26, 2019 / 11:00 am

    Praying for your family as you walk this difficult road! So glad you’re able to spend some quality time with your dad and your family this weekend. Hugs to you!

  49. January 26, 2019 / 11:26 am

    So sorry for what you’re going through. Praying for him and the family.

  50. January 26, 2019 / 3:12 pm

    Thinking of you and your family. Sending all the strength and love to you all in this difficult time.

  51. January 26, 2019 / 7:40 pm

    I’m so sorry for what your family is going through.

  52. January 27, 2019 / 7:01 am

    I am so sorry. Praying now. How blessed you two are to have each other. I know the Lord has your dad in the palm of His hand

  53. January 27, 2019 / 12:07 pm

    Thinking of you all. <3

  54. January 27, 2019 / 12:25 pm

    I am so very sorry. Losing a parent is hard enough, but to see suffering makes it worse. Cancer is a heinous disease…I lost my mom and brother to it, and I have it myself. I pray for comfort for your dad in his last days here on earth. I do know he was blessed by a wonderful family.

  55. Lauren
    January 27, 2019 / 10:32 pm

    Prayers for you and your sweet family.

  56. Lauren
    January 28, 2019 / 10:42 am

    Oh nooooo, i am so sorry to hear this. Prayers for your family

  57. January 28, 2019 / 11:04 am

    Been thinking and praying for your dad and your family ever since you first mentioned his diagnosis. I think I’ve said before (I’ve certainly thought it to myself many, many times), I don’t know how you manage of all of life’s daily “things,” especially while raising two kids!, in the midst of, as you say, a dark journey. So many see you as warrior. The strength you show in the midst of darkness is incredibly inspiring. Praying for comfort for all, and for much, much light to come.

  58. Karen
    January 28, 2019 / 1:43 pm

    My heart is breaking for you as you go through this journey with your dad. Please be able to take comfort in knowing that he knows how much you all loved him.

  59. Jordan
    January 28, 2019 / 4:13 pm

    Christina I am so sorry. I am Jewish so I pray to a different God but please know he is in my prayers.

  60. Cara
    January 28, 2019 / 6:34 pm

    I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I have been an oncology nurse for 20 years and it never gets easier. I pray your dad finds comfort and peace as he arrives in the arms of Jesus. Your faith is such a testament to those around you and thank you for openly sharing your heart in such a difficult time.

  61. Bridget
    January 28, 2019 / 9:24 pm

    I am you and your family are going through this!! Praying for you in the coming days!!

  62. January 30, 2019 / 10:23 am

    Praying more than you know. You’re on my mind friend.

  63. Jennifer Thornton
    January 31, 2019 / 10:59 am

    I pray for peace and comfort for your dad.

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