Alright, I am finally tackling the questions you all submitted through my recent Instagram poll around my decision to leave the corporate world! If you missed the announcement, I shared the news in this post.
There were 150+ questions submitted but most of them were variations of questions around a handful of topics. So I’m going to break this up into a few posts to make it more manageable for me to tackle and much easier for y’all to read. Otherwise, it may take me forever to hit publish.
One of the most requested post topics was specifically around WHY I left the corporate world, how I came to the decision, and my thoughts on the transition so far.
Even though it’s only been a few months, my thoughts and feelings have changed quite a bit as my resignation adrenaline has begun to wear off and I’ve started settling into a better routine and daily structure. I don’t know how things will continue to change for me — especially 6 months or a year from now. All that to say, it’s really hard to change your opinion on the internet, so just know that this transition is still very much in progress and may look or feel different as time goes on.
Why did you leave the corporate world?
A lot of factors went into this decision. There wasn’t one specific reason, but many. The simplest answer is the pressure and expectations were often all too consuming. As our kids, my career, Carolina Charm, and Matt’s business have simultaneously grown, it became increasingly difficult to keep my family at the forefront while working full time. The stress within our home was becoming unmanageable and I began worrying my kids would remember me working all.the.time, always exhausted and attached to my computer. They could see me drowning and more often I began to feel like I didn’t have anything left to give to my family by the end of each work day — and it was eating me up inside. The stirring in my heart was becoming stronger to change course and after hitting a pretty ugly breaking point, the path we needed to take for our family was clear.
Pre-kids, what was your plan? / What made now the right time and not when you had babies at home?
Before we had kids our plan was for me to be a stay-at-home mom. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and I loved having her with us all the time and seeing her in the halls of our school regularly. However, back in 2014 we needed my income (even though it was very, very small after daycare was paid each month) and more importantly, we needed my health insurance. You can read my post on Returning To Work After Maternity Leave. The following year Thomas joined our family and our health insurance became even more critical between his unexpected medical condition and my double mastectomy surgeries. For the next two years we blew through our insurance deductible within the first quarter of each year and were drowning in medical bills. Matt was working around the clock to grow his firm and I was hustling to grow my career too. Then, in 2017 I accepted a new job opportunity that catapulted my career. I loved that job so much and felt incredibly fulfilled and wanted to keep climbing the corporate ladder.
Was this in the works for a while or was it a sudden decision? What made now the right time?
It was definitely not a sudden decision. At the end of every year, Matt and I have a family planning meeting where we review our career/family/finance goals and this has ALWAYS been a topic of conversation but not one that we spent too much time on…until the pandemic.
Throughout the 2020-2021 school year, our conversations around me staying home were becoming more frequent and more serious as I was slowly unraveling through the pandemic. And while the pandemic truly launched the conversation, it was just one of many reasons we began seriously discussing me leaving the corporate world.
Other significant factors that made now the right time included Thomas going to Kindergarten, no more daycare payments, the kids ages and their needs changing, our finances, Carolina Charm, Matt’s business, summertime, and some private reasons.
Do you plan to go back to the corporate world when the kids are older? / Do you have a timeline in mind for when/if you’ll return to work?
It’s hard to say at this point. As of right now, I am enjoying this new challenge, but it is possible I’ll return to the corporate world one day.
Did it feel embarrassing to tell career people you were quitting? Like you were giving up?
I really struggled with telling my team and especially my attorneys that I was leaving the corporate world. I wasn’t embarrassed of my decision, but I was apprehensive about how my decision would be received if that makes sense. However, I cannot say enough great things about the outpouring of support I received from my department leaders, team members, and attorneys.
But in full transparency, I am still struggling with this. When I meet new people (especially working parents) and they ask me what I do now…I feel the need to first say “I just left the corporate world after 10 years…” and then the rest of my answer varies. I usually quickly calculate the person’s ability to understand the blogging world and will sometimes share that I’m blogging full time now. But if I think that would be too confusing, I simply finish the sentence with “and am now home with my kids full time.” I know this question will get easier to answer with time and practice, but being a corporate working mom is just so deeply ingrained in my identity still so the question throws me off every time still. Matt, however, loves to tell anyone who will listen that I’m a full-time blogger!
Are you struggling with missing your identity with work outside the house?
While growing my career over the past 10 years, I have simultaneously dedicated so much time and love to Carolina Charm, so the blog has also been a huge part of my identity. For more than a decade I have used this platform to share so much of our life — the good, the bad, the low points, and the milestones. It truly brings me so much joy to share new recipes, outfits, mom hacks, our weekend recaps, random gadgets that make our life easier, trips and SO much more with this community. And being able to now do it full time while the kids are in school is a dream come true.
So in terms of my working mom identity, spending more time on Carolina Charm is filling the corporate work void in many ways, though I can completely understand how most people would not understand this.
Do you regret leaving?
For as much as I agonized over whether or not this was the right decision, I couldn’t be happier or more confident about this new chapter. And my family is happier too.
What do you miss about working?
I miss my colleagues and many of my attorneys. For years I talked to some of my favorite people every day. And I miss traveling to see them in person too. I also miss some aspects of my job — strategic planning, creating new processes, launching big initiatives, planning client events and seminars, brainstorming with colleagues, and attorney coaching.
Oh, and I miss my salary, parking pass, HSA, and flex spending accounts.
What did you think you’d miss but you don’t?
I love this question. Hmmm…
I worried I would miss my physical office Uptown and getting dressed in business attire from time to time. Turns out I do not miss either yet.
Curious if you are more or less stressed now?
One of the most impactful changes for our family has been that Matt and I are no longer competing over who had the tougher work day. Before leaving the corporate world, our evenings often started off tense while Matt and I were trying to simultaneous shift from work mode to parent mode. And it was hard for me to empathize with the hard day Matt had when I was still drowning in my own. While I am just as busy as I was while working full time (and even busier at times which blows my mind), life feels TOTALLY different now without the mental load of my corporate job. For the first time in my life, I would say I am NOT stressed out, which was one of the goals of me leaving my corporate job, and has already become such a positive outcome for our family.
How is your mental load/mental health?
Even though I swear I heard phantom team chat dinging noises coming from my home office for weeks after all of my equipment was returned, a tremendous mental load was INSTANTANEOUSLY lifted the moment my work email was removed from my phone at 6 pm on my last day of work. The disconnection from email and team chat messages (that simultaneously rang from my laptop, my phone, and my apple watch) was truly indescribable.
Since leaving my corporate job I have so much more capacity to slow down and be present with my kids which was something our family really needed. Before leaving the corporate world, I felt like a cruise director on auto pilot just moving people as fast as possible through routines and getting everyone where they need to go. My brain was constantly spinning a million miles a minute in different directions (Did I thaw the meat? Did I put the napkins in Caroline’s backpack for her class party? I need to respond to this email ASAP but my kids need breakfast. etc.) and while it’s still spinning, it’s way more manageable now!
Alright, I think that covers the questions around why I left and how the transition is going. If y’all liked this post and are interested in hearing more about my transition, I’ll keep working through the rest of the questions!
Your candidness and vulnerability is so appreciated. I love reading your blog posts so much!! I have been a stay at home for several years now and I still stumble when people ask me “what I do.” I feel the need to say, “well…I am a speech language pathologist- but right now I am at home with my kids.” Instead of just stating the facts- I do not work outside the home. I think that’s part of this belief that as women, our worth is measured by our productivity. Anyway- all that to say- I love hearing about your experience. You are amazing!
This is so interesting. Thank you for sharing! I’ve loved following along since wedding planning days.
I was the Director of a law firm for years and now am back to being a SAHM mom of 3 pre-tweens. I am working through my need to give *others* an answer about my title that reflects the always ongoing inner work (identity/pride/worth) as I navigate those conversations. My own (Matt) and I miss the paycheck but gained peace and our kids feel more seen and heard. Congrats! Love your blog 🙂
What a great, insightful post!! The corporate world is such an unbelievable grind and I love that we can prioritize our mental health in this day and age. What you said about how you and Matt would have competing tough workdays- I recognized this in my own relationship months ago and started carving out at least 30 minutes to “wind down” at the end of each work day to get in a more level headspace before my husband got home from work. I love that you are living in the moment. Honestly, in the future you have so many options based on your specific work experience and skill level – you could easily consult, pick and choose clients and projects, be a 1099- the possibilities are endless with the new future of work. (Says the Recruiter – can’t turn it off LOL!!)
I am so happy for you! You cannot get this time back and I bet you are SAVING money on so many things that you did for convenience and time saving purposes. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing this. You are brave to hop off that train. I would love to hear more about the business side of blogging and how you actually make money. Not many bloggers (that I have seen) are willing to be candid about that. You are such a genuine person and I am glad I have followed along on your journey for a few years!
As someone who stayed in the corporate rat race I loved reading this. It has become easier for me to manage the balance now that my kids are getting into middle school, but those first 12 years of parenting and working corporate were no joke. I am envious because I’m the major breadwinner in our marriage and I needed to keep working. Congrats to you on your exit!!
I can relate to some of this since retirement…my identity was definitely tied to my nursing career. Many of my friends are still working and some obtaining additional degrees. I feel embarrassed at the question..”what are you doing” and it can be a little overwhelming! I love reading your blog even if I am in a different stage of life!
Girl you are an overachiever! You aren’t a stay at home mom now. You run an incredibly successful blog. You went from three full time jobs to two (blog and momming). The world is incredibly difficult for working moms today. When we gained the “right” to work outside of the home we didn’t drop any of the mental load that comes with being a mother. In fact that world has sped up to with the introduction of the Pinterest perfect mom. I’m struggling with accepting a promotion at work knowing some of the mental load I carry today might be dropped. Coming from another type A working mom, give yourself some credit. You are absolutely aspirational!
Really love your posts and following along with your journey! I left my job as an Oncology PA 6 years ago and it took me YEARS to answer work questions without replying “I’m a PA but am just staying home with the kids right now.” Funny thing is… no one cared like I did lol Many other moms also stay home and the ones who work are always super supportive and kind. Just sharing my experience because that part resonated so much 🙂 Good for you making the hard but right decision for you and your family!
I hope someone else asked this because I’m dying to know – but can you do a Circle Room update since it no longer has to function as your work from home office?
Congratulations again to your family.
I did the working parent thing for a long time while trying to fulfill my passion for theatre “on the side” and it took a major toll on my family. Full time theatre gigs in my area are few and far between sadly.
The BEST thing that happened was my full time employers leaving town and giving me severance. My kids were 15, 13, 11 at the time and being available to teenagers was so worth it! I wager even more so than with babies and toddlers (there were days that dropping them to someone else for 8 hours was definitely needed!) It gave me time to sort my priorities and build my resume. My dream job (that I had been obsessively stalking for years) opened up last summer and while I am (more) than full time now and incredibly busy it is not only with things I am passionate about BUT it is at the arts-based school my kids attend (attended as the oldest graduates next week!). My busy coincides with their busy and I am required to be at their events. Win WIN!
All this to say, the universe gives us what we need when we needed it including the time we need with our babies when we need it (and that is different for everyone!).
Enjoy your time, keep blogging (I LOVE IT!)
This is so interesting to read, and it’s awesome that you are all already reaping positive benefits from the change. Congratulations! I would love to hear a little more about how it was decided that *you* would be the one to transition home, did Matt consider it as well? Seems like both of your careers have a lot of growth potential and were fulfilling in many ways for each of you.
I would love to hear this too! I am an attorney, my husband is in a creative field. I left my job when our three kids were babies (they are each 1.5 years apart) and stayed home with them for 5 years, and then went back. My husband then took a turn is still at home with them (it’s been almost 5 years), and he now also works part time while they are in school. Although I sometimes wish we had them in childcare so that he and I could both pursue the careers we love full time (we both love our jobs), without fighting over who has kid duty, I also feel like having each had the experience of primary caregiver (and each been primary breadwinner), has made our marriage stronger. I don’t think he truly understood my life until he took over with the kids a home. We still have stress, primarily around finding time to be together and going him time to work, especially f I am in trial, but we both really get each other’s perspectives. Anyway, thanks for sharing!. Wish you the best of luck!
You’re Amazing Christina!
I definitely get the “ I’m a SAHM” and nothing else thing – I think that the Mom Boss Trend has definitely left some of us whom choose to be at home full time ( wether it be with a side line hustle or just full time kid calendar) feeling sometimes “less than adequate”
It doesn’t make me sad – I just feel each must be where they are happiest and there should be no space for judgement – I remind myself of this Often both ways!
Anyhow I’m
so Happy for You; Matt and your little Family that you’re all already feeling the shift and seeing the rewards
I’m sure being the great asset I know you were to your Firm – that of your perspectives shift again in time to come there will always be doors open to you
I’m also so interested yo heard more about the blogging world – how does it really work not because I’m interested but because I have no clue and I Love your approach that fees far less “pushy” than many others in terms of sponsored products etc
xXx
Bravo! Loved this so much and as a corporate worker, mom and wife, I applaud you and your decision. It’s so hard. I’ve worked full time since my kids were 3 and 7. I was forced to go from part time to full time or lose my job. We needed my income so I had no choice. 😔 It’s been such a struggle to balance it all and my kids are now almost 19 and 23. I look back wondering how we survived those years. I can tell you minimal PTO was spent on fun things, always used for when our kids were sick and they were sick a LOT! Our plates are always full as mothers, wives, workers, directors of our home (cleaning, cooking, shopping, the list is endless). I’m thankful for a husband who helps clean and cook and does his own laundry but the mental load, ugh, it’s rare to have help with that. Work has increasingly gotten busier (healthcare in a global pandemic is no joke!!) and it’s exhausting. I’m just thankful the work got so crazy AFTER I had nearly grown children (they both still live with us though because with expenses, no way they can live on their own right now). I despise that healthcare is tied to your employment. That nearly sets my hair on fire and I wish that would change in this country. It’s so stressful!! I carry the benefits and often feel like I’m trapped until retirement in 13 more years or so. It’s very frustrating. You are very inspiring and I wish I could make a change but at this stage, it’s very limiting and not many places want to hire women in their 50’s or 60’s either as there is definite age discrimination out there. I just need to win the darn lottery and say screw this LOL. Anyways, thanks for your refreshing post. I have LOVED following your blog, IG, and family (Sprinkles the Super Star included!!) over the years. I have loved how genuine and relatable you are and we need more of that out there. Thank you for taking the time to answer the questions, I’m up for more of you have the time and thanks for being a bright spot on my feeds and my blog reads. You are a shiny gem and sorry for the long comment! 💜
Really enjoyed this post. I am adjusting still to life as a working parent with little ones 0 and 2 and really relate to your point of feeling like a cruise director. Hope you will share more.
You are very fortunate that this was an option for you. I feel all of the things you say about your reasons why… but my salary is the driver in my household and that’s just the reality. We cannot afford to not have my salary. And we tried my husband as stay at home for a while, but his mental health suffers greatly when he is not working. So I continue to navigate all of this- I have good days and bad if I am being honest. The routine is hard but I try to remember one day I’ll miss this.
A few years back, I was in a terribly stressful job that was impacting my marriage. I would come home from work on Friday and start panicking about going to work Monday!
I quit without having another job lined up and to easily summarize my next move I would say “I’m retiring” because it made me chuckle (I was in my early 30s!- No one questions a septuagenarian when they make the same announcement!)
I’m so proud of you for putting yourself and your family as a top priority and wish you all the best on this new season of life.
Great post, and great comments. This topic is HARD — but I love all these respectful, supportive comments. And I love that you make it clear that you were passionate about many aspects of working.
Thank you for sharing this! When lockdown hit and my husband and I were suddenly forced to work from home full-time with our two kids (ages 2 & 5 at the time) I began to feel like I was falling apart. My husband and I really felt the strain and would often compare about whose work day day was harder and how it was impacting us as parents. Although I do love my job, I often feel like it would better for my mental/physical health as well as my children’s lives if I could stay at home. Unfortunately I make significantly more than my husband and that just isn’t possible for our family. I really appreciate you sharing these thoughts, I know moms (both stay-ar-home and outside working) can relate!
I’ve never commented here before but you’ve handled this entire thing and talked about it all with so much grace and humility. I appreciate so much how honest you’ve always been on this blog. I changed jobs during the pandemic to more of a part-time role and I can relate to the change in your identity and I struggle with feeling like I’m ” not busy enough” now because it’s so interesting to change from being so stressed to having space in your life. Please keep sharing. I really respect you! (this is my second favorite post – the “how to clean your towels” one is bookmarked for me, haha)
Absolutely loved this post, and congrats on your decision! So happy that it’s working for you and your family so far.
My husband and I both work FT from home with two kids ages 3 and 16 months. Daycare is freaking expensive, and I struggle seeing my baby boy snuggling with his teachers on the classroom live feed some days thinking to myself “that should be me!! I’m neglecting him!” (yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown and threatened to quit my job, but LOL I’m the breadwinner and we need my health insurance).
It’s all so hard to balance and since I can’t quit my job right now, I’m trying to focus on being present with my kids when we are together (which is also hard since sometimes I just need to shut my brain off after working).
Love hearing about your honest experience – your blog is a consistent favorite for me! xo